You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
