He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
