A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
