Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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