so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
