my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
