so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize