they need to just BURY HIM!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
