Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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