I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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