Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
