Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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