you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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