also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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