We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
