You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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