I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
