I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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