do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
