His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
