It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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