I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
