2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
