I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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