I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
