bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
