can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
