Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
