I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
