I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
