So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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