It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
this hospital has no fireball
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
