Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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