i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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