I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
