he wants to bone in the snuggie
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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