Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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