Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
