life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You've changed since you got that strap on
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
