i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
