I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
