Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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