i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
