I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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