just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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