Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
