dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
