she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
