oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
