if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Im part way to drunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
