the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
