it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
