why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just puked most of my soul out..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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