Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
