No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
third nipple confirmed
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
