After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
