do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
