How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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