You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
