I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
