Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
