Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
