Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
