My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
