i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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